I don't know what could possibly be more fun than standing in line for 9 1/2 hours to renew your passport. Oh wait, I know, standing in line for 9 1/2 hours and going home empty handed. Farcical is probably the best word to describe today's events - but leaning more to the definition of "stupid" than "slap happy". Although, I have to admit, I could have happily slapped a few people today.
Work offered me the opportunity to fly to Las Vegas for a conference in two weeks, provided I get my passport updated in time. I called around and happily discovered that if you go to the downtown branch of "Passport Canada" you just have to show a meeting itinerary or airline tickets and for an extra $70 or $80 you can expedite the process and get your passport in three short business days. A couple of weeks ago a co-worker of mine lined up to renew her passport at 6 a.m. and walked out of the downtown office by 10 a.m. So, I naively thought that if I arrived at 7 a.m. I should have the process wrapped up by noon. You know, leaving ample time aside for an afternoon run, walking molly on the beach and catching up with my friends.
My first mistake was arriving at 7 without a coffee in hand. I stood in line and had to wait outside for about an hour before they shuffled us indoors. All I could do was stare longingly at those ahead of me who had the white gleam of starbucks cups in hand. "Oooooh look at me, I'm so organized and left myself an extra five minutes so that I could actually enjoy my time outside in line with a grande double shot non fat extra hot 1/2 shot of vanilla latte." Do you remember that feeling you get at Disneyland when you think you're getting close to the front of the line, only to round a corner and see it zig-zagging its way over hell's half acre? I had the same sinking feeling when they let us into Sinclair Center. If you ever wonder where Vancouverites hang out these days, they're all in Sinclair Center in the passport line. Apparently there were hundreds of people in line before 6. a.m. My heart sank as I saw people ahead with their lawn chairs in hand.
It's funny when you're in a line up all day. Your mentality shifts into one of desperation. "Can you hold my place in line? I'll be right back I have to run to the ladies room." And you do everything in warp speed so that you can quickly return to "your spot". And just as an aside, what are the rules with the handicapped stall in a public washroom. If there's a line-up, can you use the stall? I used it and then felt guilty after when I noticed a woman with a cane in line.
But I digress.
I giggled to myself when I noticed around 2 p.m. (7 hours into the line) - the old men in line were all starting to mill about. With one hand on their hips and another shielding their eyes as if blinded by the sun, they looked upwards towards the passport office hoping some passport pope-like ticket agent would come to the balcony and give us a tidbit of guidance. I especially revelled in the fact that it took until 3 p.m. for someone to swing by and tell us that, oh no, new development - we might not make it, but it's up to us to stay or go. Seeing as though I had spent 8 hours up until this point sitting & reading, shuffling along, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat - I decided to stay until the end. At 4 p.m., the passport agents handed us a yellow form - we wouldn't get to see an agent that day, but if we held onto these forms, they would allow us to deposit all of our information into a drop box. They made us line up (a process we were stars at by now) - and "stand by" while they put together said drop box. At 4:15 a very grumpy and over worked commissionaire told me in a thick scottish accent it was a waste of time to be there and that the drop box wasn't going to happen! I asked him if we could come back in the morning to this phantom "drop box" that was being set up. And he said, "look lady, you're naught gittin it, I'm tellin ya, it ain't goin' to happen!" As he started screaming and swearing, people gathered around and asked to speak to his manager. He just laughed at us and said, "I am but one man!"
Long story short, I will not be going to my conference, I am not one iota ahead in terms of my passport application and I now get to work the weekend in lieu of having this day off. Good times!!
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